Profiles and Parking Lots

It turns out filling out an online dating profile is incredibly similar to writing a self evaluation for work -- breaking down important elements into bite-sized and sellable chunks of information. 

And very much like when writing my self evaluations, I sat staring a a blank screen wondering what the hell I should point out. So far this experience has only brought agita.

First thing's first...what the hell am I looking for? That's a lot to think about.

So I Made A List of Qualities I Value

• Self aware -- emotional intelligence is key
• Good communication skills -- please be prepared to express your thoughts
• In control of emotions -- no middle-aged temper tantrums
• Intelligent -- formal education isn't required...just use your brain
• Literate -- see above 
• Funny -- self explanatory

BFF Added a Few Things

• No untreated mental illness (Okay. I agree. Treat your shit.)
• No brooding (But that's such a hot look!)
• Doesn't have to be a musician or artist (And now I'm bored.)

Evidently I have a type.

I sat with these lists for a while and thought, "Okay. But what does it come down to?"

Parking Lots

Although we weren't a couple, I was close to a man who taught me what I never want in a partner. And it can summed up in one sentence: Don't leave me in a parking lot.

It annoyed him how long it took me to get out of a car. You know...unplug the phone, find my cigarettes and lighter, grab my enormous handbag from the backseat, put on lip balm. Yes, it does take me a bit. 

By the time I closed the car door and flung my purse over my shoulder, he was a spec in the distance -- about to enter the destination. And I stood there. Alone. 

All the thoughtful things I did. Didn't matter. All the things I let slide. Didn't matter. Everything I put into our relationship. Didn't matter. I took too long for his liking. And that mattered. 

So Potential Gentleman Friend...

What I need most is simply to matter. To be worth waiting the few extra minutes for. It's not about the grand gestures, it's about the seemingly insignificant everyday acts that are anything but. Be kind. Be respectful. Be present. 

Also, it wouldn't hurt if you're a musician or an artist. Sorry, BFF! 

What's Next?

A crazy already picked an online fight with me. Five minutes after activating my profile I received a nasty-gram informing me a few tattoos and a nose ring doesn't make me punk rock. Did someone actually call me a poser? Oh dear.