Swipe Right or Left?

Things aren't going very well. There are no viable prospects out there in cyberspace dating. I hoped to find a male version of, well, me. You know, recovering punk kid with some piercings or tattoos and fab musical taste. Instead, I have been "liked" by men posing with automatic weapons in their profile pics. Oh! There was also the gentleman who appeared to have a bloody headwound which for his sake, I hope was his attempt to show off his makeup artistry and not a post-I've been shot in the head selfie. Furthermore, I've been patronized Please don't let this be the first thing you say when communicating.  It's creepy and insulting. Ask me how my day is going. I'm getting saltier. Unless you're old enough to be my grandfather, or are a man I am close to, "sweetie" doesn't fly. Or am being emailed by bots Okay then. So it's safe to say... No, I'm not. I'm not feeling it at all. Am I giving up? Ugh...I really want to, but I w...

I went into this with a mind that was probably about 3/4 open...the other 1/4 of my mind knew I'd be fucked. Guess what? So far, the other 1/4 was spot on. I'm trying my best to get over the fact that none of the men reaching out suit my style preferences, but I can't abide the messages I'm receiving. Please note I have typed EXACTLY what I was sent.  Example One Chilling, single dad of 1 teenage boy ugh work hard. In a good place..just missing my puzzle piece . Where you at? What the actual fuck? The incomplete thoughts, the punctuation, the grammar. My eye is twitching. Example Two Him:  Gm Me:  You're a man of few words. Him:  That's all it takes with me to start some conversation. It doesn't alert when I get message. How does one respond to that that? Did a brain bleed begin as he was typing?  In Other News The eligible gents that have "liked" me... Are into NASCSAR and tractor pulls Have posted ads for their pool cleaning service within their ...

It turns out filling out an online dating profile is incredibly similar to writing a self evaluation for work -- breaking down important elements into bite-sized and sellable chunks of information.  And very much like when writing my self evaluations, I sat staring a a blank screen wondering what the hell I should point out. So far this experience has only brought agita. First thing's first...what the hell am I looking for? That's a lot to think about. So I Made A List of Qualities I Value Self aware -- emotional intelligence is key Good communication skills -- please be prepared to express your thoughts In control of emotions -- no middle-aged temper tantrums Intelligent -- formal education isn't required...just use your brain Literate -- see above  Funny -- self explanatory BFF Added a Few Things No untreated mental illness (Okay. I agree. Treat your shit.) No brooding (But that's such a hot look!) Doesn't have to be a musician or artist (And now I'm bored.) E...

I Don’t Want to Date Let’s start there. What I want is to reside in the coziness of knowing your partner so well, a mere glance at their expression tells you exactly what they’re thinking. When you instinctively know what they need in any given situation. When you truly enjoy being in that person’s company. But that’s not dating. That’s a relationship.   Dating is more like wanting a sweet kitten to love and being handed a one-eyed, mange-infested feral cat who clings to his ninth life with the same claws that will rip you to shreds when you’re not looking.   Did I mention I don't want to date?   The problem is you can't get to "relationship" without first navigating "dating".   The Challenge  I was tricked into this by my BFF. She's been riding my ass to "put myself out there" and start online dating.   "Look at it as a challenge," she said. "An experiment. And you could blog about it."   That bitch. Ugh. Sh...